2016 Where Did You Go?

2016 Where Did You Go?



Ever have a hobby that you just lose interest in entirely? Or you realize that your commitment to it, just isn't the same any longer? In late spring I realized that I was failing at the goals that I had set, and frankly it did not matter to me. I'd make the case that I spent more time busy with work than anticipated, or that I got busy going to Lauren's softball games, and taking some family vacations for the first time in a long time. All of those things were true, but the reality is that I lost my passion for shooting, it's probably been going down ever since I moved, but last  year I was finally ready to admit it.

This is what I'd call a "participation  award."

The last pistol match I shot in 2016 was the Texas Open in June, so there definitely was a fairly long layoff. The last 3-Gun match I shot was Fallen Brethren at the end of September. My finishes were about what you would expect:

Texas Open    (134th of 203)

Fallen Brethren Match Score  (180th of 208)

Definitely a "participation award"

Getting a "C" class plaque isn't something I'm ashamed of, if that's where I'm classed, I want to do the best that I can competing within my class. However a 3rd place in my class plaque pretty much means that I just showed up, and there is not an once of pride in "winning" it. None of 'em have ever been hung up (The 3rd Place Production C from the 2014 WIIT), but they have provided motivation for me here and there.

So how did the year wind down?

I stopped making excuses. Before we left Illinois, I borrowed some desire, and a lot of motivation from being able to go and practice with Les and Kozy. Being with them, watching them shoot, made me work. I dry fired because I did not want to show up at practice and not show progress, I went to live fire every single week because they expected me there, I'd have let them down. So where was my own motivation, my own desire to do it? Wherever I had it, I lost it entirely from the time we left. I said the right things, I made some effort here and there, but it was never consistent.

Let's be honest, if you really want to dry fire 20 minutes three times a week, you'll find the time. It's not a huge investment of an hour. I just stopped finding it fun, I let myself go, and that was that. Time I owned up to it.

I also think I unconsciously made a decision that even if I liked 3-Gun, I'm not sure where or if it'll fit in future match schedules. Starting a little later in life, I need more practice than most to get familiar with all three guns, and if you aren't practicing, well, you are going to be equally bad with all three guns. At Fallen Brethren, my overall finish was 180th, but my worst overall stage finish was 145th, and I had two stages at 102nd. What does that tell you? I was consistently mediocre, I never got anything going at all. Three major 3-Gun matches in 2016, and I don't see shooting one in 2017.

I could have gone down a couple of different paths, I could have just stopped shooting, and called it an experience, I could have continued to not be honest with myself, and made false starts, or I could take some time to self evaluate, and figure out what I really wanted. I took the last path, and in late November and early December I spent some serious time thinking about what I really wanted. A big part of me felt like I had given up on something that meant something to me. Earning my "B" card was never supposed to be the end game, it was supposed to be a starting point really. I never found out how good I could be. Honestly? It made me feel like I let some folks down who invested time teaching me, but I also realized I'd failed to earn an ounce of respect from local shooters, who never saw me at my best, never saw me put in the work. That's not something that has not felt too good.

The batteries started feeling recharged, and when I found out in December that I had hit my work goals, stress started to bleed out of my life, and suddenly I started to want this again, but I wanted it for me. I saw my effort before was not my best, and that disappointed me. All that said, there was not one overwhelming thing kicking me in the ass, and I wanted everything to be fun. In Illinois it was fun because of who I shot with, I don't have that here, so I needed it to be fun of it's own accord.

In January, a few things happened, and suddenly I was excited to get out to the range, I found myself having fun again, and that's when it all started to click, and really came together, but again, that's for another blog.